Which School Subjects Would Pests Enjoy?
It’s the start of another school year, so academics are at the front of everyone’s minds. Students and teachers are headed back to school for another fun-filled semester, but the pests outside don’t notice anything different. Well, they might notice that they have even more food sources and shelter options in the school buildings than usual!
Insects are cold-blooded, so their energy levels are dependent on the temperature of their environment. They’re starting to look for a safe shelter, like a classroom, to spend the winter. But what if pests could attend school and had their own favorite subjects? Let’s see which school subjects our common pests would enjoy and why!
Butterflies — Art
Butterflies aren’t a pest — they’re beneficial pollinators that don’t hurt us — but we can’t think of any insect that would enjoy art class more. In fact, butterfly wings are the most common way to teach children about symmetry and patterns. Their wings are beautiful, but did you know that the patterns serve a larger purpose? The designs can actually fend off predators by disguising the butterfly as a poisonous species (swallowtail butterfly) or a multi-eyed critter (peacock butterfly).
If butterflies were in school, they would thrive in art class. They would be the type of art students that are naturally the best at any art medium. Butterflies would enjoy pastels and colored pencils, but their favorite would be watercolors. The gentle colors and light brush strokes would be the butterfly’s ideal aesthetic for its art piece, though they would probably just paint flowers every time. But their paintings would be of the most beautiful flower gardens you’ve ever seen, so butterflies would ace art class every year.
Mosquitoes — Biology
Between their bloodthirsty appetite and their massive populations, mosquitoes are an extremely frustrating pest. Male mosquitoes live on flower nectar, but female mosquitoes need our blood in order to produce eggs. They also prefer to stay outside in order to find their food sources, lay eggs in still water, and thrive in the humidity. That’s why we (thankfully) hardly ever see mosquitoes indoors!
Mosquitoes would likely enjoy biology class the most because of their love for nature. They would succeed at both plant biology and human biology because — well, they have experience with both. The labs would be a mosquito’s favorite part of biology class since they seem like they would be kinesthetic learners. Observing cells through a microscope is fun, but mosquitoes would also ace their tests since they’re very observant with seeking out heat signatures in real life!
Honeybees — Culinary Arts
Culinary is a great elective to take, in our humble opinion. Students not only gain the life skills of following a recipe and cooking for themselves, they also walk away with some delicious food! If there’s one pest that understands the value of preparing meals for others, it’s the honeybee. After the foragers bring nectar back to the hive and place it in a cell, the “chefs” add enzymes to the nectar and dry out the mixture with their wings. That’s how we get honey!
Honeybees would enjoy culinary class for more than just the free food. They would thrive with all of the teamwork and recipe-reading since honeybees are hardworking, social insects anyway. Every step of the cooking process — cooking chicken, mixing the quick bread, boiling the pasta — would be fun to the honeybee. They would dedicate their energy to making the food as delicious as possible, even if it’s not their favorite. But if it’s a dessert, it’s game on for the sweet-toothed honeybee!
Fireflies — English
Since fireflies usually spend their time in meadows and isolated fields, they don’t fall under the “pest” category. They eat harmful pests (snails, slugs, etc.), so they’re actually a helpful insect! Their natural lights are caused by an internal biochemical reaction, and they use their pretty lights to communicate with other fireflies. These insects are efficient with their communication style, so they would definitely be a fan of English class.
Fireflies would love exploring poems and stories from every genre, especially ones published in the Romanticism era (1790-1850) for its observations of nature. These insects would be great at writing essays on their given themes, clearly conveying their thoughts through their brilliant writing style. Fireflies would even excel at the timed writes in AP English, but that’s because they’re used to sharing their thoughts in very few words — or flashes — anyway.
Earwigs — Foreign Language
Every school has its own foreign language offerings, the most common being Spanish, French, and American Sign Language. These classes encourage students to use different parts of their brains as they try to say simple sentences in a new language. Team activities are essential in this type of class, but there’s still an individual element since it’s up to you to retain the new vocabulary. With this in mind, the earwig would undoubtedly favor their foreign language class.
Earwigs are independent pests that are usually seen exploring dark, damp places for some type of decaying matter to eat. Since they’re so self-sufficient, earwigs would have no problem picking up a new language. They would probably gravitate towards the language with the most intricate rules, like Mandarin, just to challenge themselves. Honestly, we wouldn’t be surprised if the earwig was nearly fluent in the foreign language by the time they graduate.
Ants — Government/Economics
This combo class is usually the required history class for high school seniors, and you either love it or despise it. One semester is all about the U.S. government, and the second focuses on the country’s economic systems. The pest that would probably enjoy this class in its entirety is the hardworking ant. They live with tens of thousands of other ants, and the workers keep the colony afloat by gathering food, helping the queen, and expanding their nest.
Ants would enjoy Gov/Econ because it covers the ideas that they know all too well. They might be a little confused at first (“What do you mean the U.S. doesn’t have a monarchy?”), but they would catch on when the discussion turns to electing the best leaders. Although ants don’t have money, they would like learning about earning money through work. The lesson on stock markets would blow the ant’s mind because you don’t really see or touch the money you’re investing!
Termites — Gym
The unrealistic work ethic of termites is exactly why they cause billions of dollars in damages every year. Termites never need to sleep or rest, so they are constantly chewing through wood in order to expand their intricate nests. Their colonies can have close to a million members, and every termite has its own job that helps the entire group survive. Whether it’s guarding the tunnels or creating tunnels, termites are quite the busy-bodies, hence why they would love gym class.
Gym class is the perfect place for termites to put their high stamina to work. They would be those classic students that take every sport way too seriously, even if they’ve never played it before. Although they’d be competitive, termites would be great teammates due to their superb teamwork skills. In other words, you’d want the termite on your team if you wanted a chance at winning. Termites would even enjoy the timed mile run because it means they get to work hard at something new!
Spiders — Math
Despite its many avenues (algebra, geometry, etc.), math is a pretty polarizing subject. Students are either naturally gifted at it or overwhelmed at every new concept that’s introduced. The people who enjoy math are usually organized and detail-oriented in other areas, and that is exactly the case with the creepiest arachnid around: the spider. Web-spinning spiders intricately design their strands to act as a trap, a parachute, and a bed.
Since these types of spiders are no stranger to patience — what must they think about while they wait for a meal? — they would enjoy the math processes. Even hunting spiders, like the wolf spider, would enjoy the strategies. Spiders would be great at problem-solving and would never fear a pop quiz. They would love the challenge of solving each math problem as seamlessly as possible. Geometry would probably be the spider’s favorite type of math since they have plenty of experience with shapes.
One of the Best (Fictional) School Subjects is Pest Control!
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Citations
Anderson, C. (2022, July 14). How do bees make honey?. Carolina Honeybees. Available at https://carolinahoneybees.com/how-honey-bees-make-honey/ (Accessed on September 11, 2024).
